In November 2011 my beloved canine companion, Lita, passed away. Although most people would not understand this, this event has forever changed my life. It's so hard to lose the ones you love most.
That very same week last Novemeber an old aquaintence from high school that I've befriended via Facebook lost her fiancee of one year to a motorcycle accident. One morning he left for work, and just like that he was gone forever.
I thought of her often and thought that if only one person on this earth understood how I felt right then, it was her. Losing a friend or a family member is awful enough, but there is something different and much more awful when the person lost shares your life so intimately with you. Waking up together, eating meals together, just spending the down time together.....all these things leave what feels like huge, gaping holes in your life. No day will ever be the same because they are no longer here to live it with you. Her grief made me feel connected to someone when I felt so disconnected from the world. We all grieve the same.
Or do we?
Since that fateful day in November I have been completely fucking gutted. Nothing has quite been the same and I don't expect for it to be. Some would call me overly dramatic, overly emotional, and that's fine. It's the only way I know how to be right now. At least one person understands.
Or does she?
Last week this old high school aquaintance/Facebook friend of mine updated her Facebook status to "in a relationship". And just like that, she has moved on.
Today in the shower I wrote Lita's name in body wash on my bath loofa. Just like I do everyday since she passed away. That small, insignificant action makes me feel connected to her again, even if just for as long as the bubbles last.
And there is no Facebook status update for that.
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*hugs*
ReplyDeleteI guess everyone is different. I wasn't even with Patrick when he died over three years ago, and I still don't feel right. Hang in there Shan, maybe some day you'll get to the point where you find yourself open to the idea of sharing your life with another dog, and if you don't, well, that's OK too.
I actually thought about you when I wrote this. I know you are still deeply affected by your loss as well. I've lost everyone....both parents, grandparents, friends...I am quite literally alone in this world now and I think that's why Lita's death has affected me as it has. I know someday it will hurt less, but when the hell is that day coming?
ReplyDeleteI don't begrudge this chick her newly found happiness, if she's ready for a new man, a new relationship then really that is great for her. I don't want to see anyone in pain. I am glad she's moved on, but I can't pretend that I understand it. All I can think is that maybe she didn't love him the way that I love people. When I am in, I am IN!! And although I usually get my heart broken, I wouldn't want to change that for anything.
Thanks for the hugs and the kind words Meg. I love ya for it. :)