Several years ago, a girlfriend and I took a vacation to the Bahamas. Normally I am not much of a drinker, but while on vacation, all rules are invalid, and I really lush it up. This vacation was no different. My friend and I planned to go check out the casino/nightclub inside the hotel one night after dinner. We had several drinks with dinner and decided to take the outside route to the casino so we could enjoy the scenery and get some fresh air.When we arrived at the casino/nightclub it was a bit of a joke. It was filled with really creepy old men looking at us like we were the hired entertainment. Inevitably, here came about a bazillion free drinks from creepy old dudes. Which I don’t mind much because free drinks taste so much better! So we pounded 7&7s at an Olympic rate, ordering two at a time, trying to squeeze as many free drinks in as we possibly could before the vultures started to circle. It didn’t take long, but by then I had chugged quite a few drinks and when I stood up I got really dizzy. I told my girlfriend it was time to dump the fossils and go gamble. She agreed and off we went.
I was still dizzy and the lights and the sounds of the casino were making it worse. We sat at two slot machines and each put in a $20. After two pulls of the handle, my world was spinning and I knew vomiting was imminent. I had to leave RIGHT NOW. I cashed out and told my friend we had to go NOW. She was so drunk she couldn’t figure out how to cash out and get the rest of her money back, and I was too dizzy to help her. My only focus was to either make it back to our suite or to a ladies room before I vomited in public. In my sick and drunken state, I just left her behind.
As I walked down the endless hallway I wondered why nothing looked familiar, then I realized we took the outside route and that I was completely lost. I guess this was obvious, because a local man came up to me and asked if he could help. I was so thankful! He held onto me so I wouldn’t stumble as much and he was going to help me find my room – what a relief! Just about then, I sobered up enough to realize that this guy was a grifter, and I was his mark, and unless I figured a way out of this quick I was going to end up raped, robbed, or possibly both.
It was then I saw a young couple about 30 feet ahead of us. I had never seen them before. I yelled to them “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy you two! Where in the hell have you been?!” I abruptly dumped the grifter, saying I found my friends, so thanks for the help but no thanks, and I ran up to these strangers. They just stood there silently staring at me as I drunkenly rambled on for about 5 minutes (in my heavy NJ accent) about my whole ordeal. I told them I was lost, in NO shape to be in public alone, and begged for their help in finding my room.
When they started talking to me, I realized they were from England and both had very heavy English accents. It was at this point that Drunken Stupid Shannon took over. I was so drunk that I honestly thought that their English accents were a whole other language and luckily for me I spoke it! I started using this totally cheesy fake English accent when speaking to them. I wasn’t making fun of them at all; I was just in such a zone that I thought I HAD to talk like that for them to understand me.
They were great people and happily helped me. So we started walking around looking for my suite. They asked me questions, and I responded using my fake accent – how else would they have understood me?! It took us about an hour and many elevator rides before I sobered up enough to remember my suite was on the ground level. They finally got me back to my room safely and I hugged them both goodbye and told them I loved them. As they walked down the hall away from my room I even yelled down the hall to them “Cheerio!”
I spent the rest of that vacation trying to remember what they looked like so I would never run into them again. Ah, good times.
