We had only been talking for about a week when he insisted we hang out together. I thought it was too soon. Sure, we knew each other 20 years ago, but a lot can change in 20 years. I’ve changed a lot and I didn’t feel the need to explain the differences in me to him or here. I’m just me. Like I said, I thought it was way too soon - and I was right.
To actually date him would be to break my cardinal rule to never date a man with multiple children with multiple women. I think that pattern is a red flag. I know there must be a few exceptions out there, but for me it usually indicates a lack of maturity and commitment. Two children, two baby mommas and single is not what women look for in a man. It makes a man seen very unstable – and I was right.
Despite my cold feet, I reluctantly agreed to meet and hang out with him. Even though I felt like a few more weeks of texting and phone calls would have allowed us to get to know each other better and feel more comfortable with one another. It would have given us the time to think of both important and silly questions that help you click (or not) with someone and learn about their life and personality. I’ve always thought when someone pushes too hard too soon, it’s a good indication that they are not what they seem to be. And in this case - I was right.
As I got showered and ready to go to his apartment, a voice inside my head told me not to go. I felt flustered and nervous, and not in a good way. I sensed something was up, something bad. I didn’t know him well enough to feel comfortable and his sense of urgency made me uneasy. I called and told him I don’t think I am the girl for him and I don’t think who I actually am is what he is looking for. I am not 19 anymore, and I sure as hell don’t look like I did then. Although he denied it all and reassured me that it was my personality and my ability to make him smile that he was attracted to, I still felt uneasy – and I was right.
Fast forward my 2 hour drive to when he approached my car. As soon as he looked at me I felt beyond self conscious. I could see the disappointment in his eyes and he made no attempt to disguise it. I have never elicited this reaction from anyone in my life. Ever. Perhaps he was expecting Holly Madison?
Anyway, as I entered his little dump of an apartment that smelled of stale cigarettes, cheap incense, and desperation I knew it was all a big mistake. Despite his cold reception, I was cordial, and after pounding a few beers (that I brought, of course) I was even friendly, trying to make the best of a bad situation. But he remained cold and distant. He acted like a prick, just like I knew he would. I was right.
I laughed to myself at being rejected by someone who didn’t stand a chance at ever being with me. I was baffled by his immaturity and his inability to make the best of it and try to make me feel comfortable. And finally I thought I should have worn flat shoes because this guy isn’t much taller then me and my heels weren’t helping matters. But being 5’6” isn’t what made him a small man, it was his actions that did. And I was right about him all along.
And then I left.
As soon as I started driving I was blinded by the glare, and I reached for my sunglasses. They are cheap ones. Sure, I could wear the expensive kind, but then I’d just be twice as mad when I lose them (which is often). Ahhhhhhh…I felt instant relief as I put them on. And suddenly I realized; it’s been far too long since I last wore my sunglasses for their intended purpose: to simply keep the sun out of my eyes.
